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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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Will.i.am To Debut New Song On Mars

With the help of NASA's Jet Propulsion Lab, Black Eyed Peas star will.i.am is set to debut his newest single, “Reach For The Stars,” on the Martian surface today at 4 p.m. EDT, playing the song through speakers on the Mars rover Curiosity. What do you think?

  • “If anyone’s going to love will.i.am’s new song, it’s rocks.”

    John Amirante Expeller Operator
  • “Call me cynical, but this reeks of a publicity stunt.”

    Michael Brutsche Unemployed
  • “It was nice of them to wait for Neil Armstrong to die before doing this.”

    Doris Chostner Wet Suit Gluer

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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

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