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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.

Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.
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Wind Farms Cause Local Warming

Researchers studying four large wind farms in Texas found that the turbine movement caused the average ground temperature in the area to increase nearly one degree Celsius. What do you think?

  • "That must be tough for all those people who live underneath giant wind turbines."

    Graham Branaman Systems Analyst
  • "Well, you get a bunch of turbines waving their arms about suggestively, things are bound to heat up."

    Elena Menuez Food Dehydrator
  • "This is so counterintuitive. It just doesn't make any sense. Why would Texas have renewable energy sources?"

    Scott Burkholder Floor Molder
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