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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

In a long-term study that surveyed the drinking habits of 20,000 women, those who consumed moderate amounts of alcohol were more likely to keep their weight down. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, that's right, all this booze is making me real pretty. I'm a pretty lady. I'm a real pretty lady."

    Jenn Cosloy Business Affairs Manager
  • "I'm worried people will just use this as an excuse to drink moderate amounts of wine."

    Daryl Rusk Airport Shuttle Driver
  • "Sure the weight-lowering and stress-reducing benefits are tempting, but my God, just think of the slightly purple teeth!"

    Matt Hazelmeyer Systems Analyst
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