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A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:

Most Valuable Sports Memorabilia

Sports collectibles have skyrocketed in popularity over the past several decades, with sales of such items as game-worn jerseys and autographed rookie cards generating billions of dollars each year. Onion Sports examines the most sought-after and highly valued sports memorabilia in the world.

Nation Leery Of Very Odd Little Boy

WASHINGTON—Noting that there was something distinctly unnerving about his mannerisms, physical appearance, and overall demeanor, the nation confirmed Friday that it was leery of very odd 8-year-old Brendan Nault.

What You Need To Know About The Trump Administration’s Ties To Russia

New revelations from the U.S. intelligence community about potentially illegal communications between members of the Trump administration and Russian officials, which led to Michael Flynn resigning as national security advisor Monday, have increased calls for a wider investigation of Trump’s murky ties to Russia. Here’s what you need to know.
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Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

In a long-term study that surveyed the drinking habits of 20,000 women, those who consumed moderate amounts of alcohol were more likely to keep their weight down. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, that's right, all this booze is making me real pretty. I'm a pretty lady. I'm a real pretty lady."

    Jenn Cosloy Business Affairs Manager
  • "I'm worried people will just use this as an excuse to drink moderate amounts of wine."

    Daryl Rusk Airport Shuttle Driver
  • "Sure the weight-lowering and stress-reducing benefits are tempting, but my God, just think of the slightly purple teeth!"

    Matt Hazelmeyer Systems Analyst
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