Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

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Vol 46 Issue 10

Lazy Free Agent Wants To Try Out Over Phone

CHARLOTTE, NC—In an effort to avoid physical exertion, strenuous activity, and standing up, slothful free agent Hollis Thomas told several NFL general managers Friday that he would prefer to try out for their teams over the phone.
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Wine May Help Women Moderate Weight

In a long-term study that surveyed the drinking habits of 20,000 women, those who consumed moderate amounts of alcohol were more likely to keep their weight down. What do you think?
  • "Yeah, that's right, all this booze is making me real pretty. I'm a pretty lady. I'm a real pretty lady."

    Jenn Cosloy
    Business Affairs Manager
  • "I'm worried people will just use this as an excuse to drink moderate amounts of wine."

    Daryl Rusk
    Airport Shuttle Driver
  • "Sure the weight-lowering and stress-reducing benefits are tempting, but my God, just think of the slightly purple teeth!"

    Matt Hazelmeyer
    Systems Analyst
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