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Brad Pitt Sidelined 6 To 8 Weeks With Red Carpet Toe

LOS ANGELES—Saying doctors strongly recommended that he stay off the injured foot, representatives for Brad Pitt confirmed to reporters Sunday that the actor was sidelined six to eight weeks with a case of red carpet toe.

The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:
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Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

A winter storm that brought snow, sleet, and rain to the Southwest is poised to move east, soaking the South with rain and possibly bringing a windy wintry mix of precipitation to the Northeast, causing massive headaches for those traveling for Thanksgiving. What do you think?

  • “Travel is usually my favorite part of the holidays, but not this year!”

    Susan Courier Bartender
  • “I have a buddy who lives in New Mexico and it’s true. It did rain there.”

    Alberto Filar Immigration Lawyer
  • “I hope this doesn’t mean my flight is diverted to Wichita and I have to travel home with an affable, overweight shower curtain ring salesman whom I dislike at first but slowly grow to appreciate until I ultimately find out his wife died and invite him over for Thanksgiving.”

    George Favaro Dog Groomer
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