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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

A winter storm that brought snow, sleet, and rain to the Southwest is poised to move east, soaking the South with rain and possibly bringing a windy wintry mix of precipitation to the Northeast, causing massive headaches for those traveling for Thanksgiving. What do you think?

  • “Travel is usually my favorite part of the holidays, but not this year!”

    Susan Courier Bartender
  • “I have a buddy who lives in New Mexico and it’s true. It did rain there.”

    Alberto Filar Immigration Lawyer
  • “I hope this doesn’t mean my flight is diverted to Wichita and I have to travel home with an affable, overweight shower curtain ring salesman whom I dislike at first but slowly grow to appreciate until I ultimately find out his wife died and invite him over for Thanksgiving.”

    George Favaro Dog Groomer

More from this section

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.

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