adBlockCheck

Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

Top Headlines

Recent News

Family, Friends Concerned After Peyton Manning Wanders Away From Pocket

SANTA CLARA, CA—Admitting to being “worried sick” after realizing he had suddenly disappeared in the middle of a play, family and friends of Peyton Manning grew incredibly concerned Sunday after the veteran Denver Broncos quarterback wandered away from the pocket during the first quarter of Super Bowl 50, sources confirmed.

NFL Vows To Fix Bottomless Pit On Levi’s Stadium Field Before Super Bowl

SANTA CLARA, CA—Following persistent safety concerns regarding the playing surface throughout the regular season, the NFL made firm assurances Friday to both the Denver Broncos and Carolina Panthers that the bottomless pit in the middle of the field at Levi’s Stadium will be fully repaired before Super Bowl 50.
End Of Section
  • More News
Up Next
TV Listings
Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

Special Coverage

Streaming

Nightlife

Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

Winter Storm Snarls Holiday Travel

A winter storm that brought snow, sleet, and rain to the Southwest is poised to move east, soaking the South with rain and possibly bringing a windy wintry mix of precipitation to the Northeast, causing massive headaches for those traveling for Thanksgiving. What do you think?

  • “Travel is usually my favorite part of the holidays, but not this year!”

    Susan Courier
    Bartender
  • “I have a buddy who lives in New Mexico and it’s true. It did rain there.”

    Alberto Filar
    Immigration Lawyer
  • “I hope this doesn’t mean my flight is diverted to Wichita and I have to travel home with an affable, overweight shower curtain ring salesman whom I dislike at first but slowly grow to appreciate until I ultimately find out his wife died and invite him over for Thanksgiving.”

    George Favaro
    Dog Groomer

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

X Close