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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Woman Arrested In Moon Rock Sale Bust

A California woman was placed in custody after attempting to sell a moon rock to an undercover NASA investigator for $1.7 million. What do you think?

  • "Years ago, I bought a moon rock at a Vangelis show. Turned out it was only concrete mixed with bits of feldspar and oregano."

    Alphonse Druss Gill-Box Tender
  • "If convicted, she's in for a rough road. Fake moon-rock-selling cons are considered the lowest of the low by other prisoners in California."

    LeeAnn Howell Masker
  • "It’s been a long time since the government prosecuted anyone under the Lunar Fraud Act."

    Dave Lepp Avionics Technician

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