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How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
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Woman Fined For Truck Nutz

Facing a $445 fine, a South Carolina woman will go to trial to let a jury determine whether the fake oversized testicles hanging off the back of her truck are obscene. What do you think?

  • “This ruling will have broad implications for the entire automotive genital-accessory industry.”

    Ted Scuffleton Systems Analyst
  • "I'm not sure using the 'contemporary community standards' test to determine indecency will help the state's case. At this point, the whole country pretty much associates fake-testicle car ornaments with South Carolina."

    Lacey Cadeau Lacing-String Cutter
  • "I really hope they make this into a major motion picture. We haven't given Kathy Bates something to sink her teeth into for a while."

    Jarred Gordon Pulp Bleacher

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