Woman Placed Poisoned Orange Juice In Starbucks

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Vol 49 Issue 18

Tuesday, May 14

Author and ecologist Michael Strandley will be at the Cameron Library on Tuesday discussing his lifelong work with bears and why he thinks they’re overrated.

No One In Limo Going To Prom With The One They Wanted

INDEPENDENCE, MO—None of the six students in the white stretch limousine presently en route to Harry Truman High School’s senior prom are attending the event with the person they wanted to be their date, sources reported this evening.
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Woman Placed Poisoned Orange Juice In Starbucks

A California woman has been charged with attempted murder after allegedly placing two bottles of orange juice containing lethal amounts of rubbing alcohol into a refrigerated case at a Starbucks in San Jose. What do you think?

  • “I like a little rubbing alcohol in my O.J., but not that much.”

    Jeb Levin
    Mannequin Decorator
  • “If you look at it from her perspective, though, that’s still really fucked up.”

    Gayle Noble
    Cabin Outfitter
  • “That’s nothing. Yesterday, this guy in line at Starbucks was screaming into his phone the whole time, and then when it came time to pay, he said he left his wallet in his car. Unbelievable.”

    Shawn Yoon
    Paint Stripper
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