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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Woman Stopped By TSA For Gun-Shaped Jewelry

A woman at a Maryland airport was ordered to turn over bullet-lined bracelets and platform shoes with stiletto heels shaped like guns due to a TSA rule banning replica guns or ammunition. What do you think?

  • “This is exactly why I don’t travel.”

    Angelo Mildrin Unemployed
  • “As National Director of the NGSJA, I pledge to fight this with everything we’ve got.”

    Rick Tobin Chakra Aligner
  • “Owners of bullet bracelets and gun heels need to be more responsible and store these items safely in a locked closet.”

    Tori Dahl Pet Manicurist

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