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Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.

Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.
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Work Up, Pay Down

Over the last decade, American work productivity has increased 33%, while wages have only increased 11%. What do you think?
  • "Look, I've only got five minutes for my break, and I'm not about to waste it talking to you."

    Mike Schwartz Lens Grinder
  • "I love the notion that workers are somehow supposed to be rewarded for increased productivity. Do you see any of those CEO's being rewarded for being more productive? No. They are being rewarded for absolutely no reason."

    John McDougal CEO
  • "So if I reduce my productivity 20%, it'll be like getting an automatic raise. Which will come in handy when I'm fired for taking 3-day weekends."

    Marilyn Wittner IT Specialist
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