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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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Work Up, Pay Down

Over the last decade, American work productivity has increased 33%, while wages have only increased 11%. What do you think?
  • "Look, I've only got five minutes for my break, and I'm not about to waste it talking to you."

    Mike Schwartz Lens Grinder
  • "I love the notion that workers are somehow supposed to be rewarded for increased productivity. Do you see any of those CEO's being rewarded for being more productive? No. They are being rewarded for absolutely no reason."

    John McDougal CEO
  • "So if I reduce my productivity 20%, it'll be like getting an automatic raise. Which will come in handy when I'm fired for taking 3-day weekends."

    Marilyn Wittner IT Specialist
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