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Fermilab Receives Generous Anonymous Particle Donation

BATAVIA, IL—Calling it the most substantial private donation the research facility has received in years, officials at the Fermi National Accelerator Laboratory announced Monday that an anonymous benefactor had given them a generous particle donation.

God Excited About First Trip To Japan

THE HEAVENS—After years of talking about visiting the East Asian country, God, Our Lord and Heavenly Father, told reporters Monday that He was excited to finally be taking His first trip to Japan.
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World Leaders Attend Mandela Funeral

President Barack Obama and all other living U.S. presidents as well as scores of heads of state from around the world gathered at FNB Stadium in South Africa today to pay their respects to anti-apartheid icon Nelson Mandela. What do you think?

  • “If anyone deserves a funeral, it’s Nelson Mandela.”

    Jay Osbourne Falconer
  • “Talk about star-studded! Italian Minister of Economy and Finance Fabrizio Saccomanni was there. Wow!”

    Mark Samuelson Cat Breeder
  • “I hope they all held hands. That would have been pretty cool, considering how famous everyone is.”

    Lydia O’Malley Livery Driver

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