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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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World Snake Population Drops

A study of 17 snake populations worldwide showed that the number of snakes had fallen dramatically in 11 of those populations since the late 1990s. What do you think?

  • "But what's going to bite me when I go camping?"

    Sarah Kane Pneumatic Tool Operator
  • "Maybe we needed a tragedy like this to wake us to man's wanton, unrelenting destruction of snakes' things-to-hide-under habitats."

    Robert Brett Systems Analyst
  • "Fortunately not in my pants! Where the viper eggs are hatching nicely."

    Jason Ash Nub-Card Tender

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