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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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World To End Saturday

According to Harold Camping, the founder of Family Radio, the world will come to an end on Saturday. What do you think?

  • "Is there anything we can do to speed it up? My mother-in-law is coming Friday! Also, my boss is coming over for dinner that same night!"

    Derrick Kingsley Vitamin Handler
  • "He's probably close to being right. He is 89 years old, after all."

    Jennifer Dillon Subscriber
  • "Hmm, sounds a little fishy. I'm going to have to hear some Bible passages with extremely vague allusions and see some inscrutable numerology before I believe this."

    Lisa Grant Orchard Mogul

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