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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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World’s 85 Richest As Wealthy As Half Global Population

According to a study by Oxfam International, the 85 richest people in the world have a combined net worth of $1.7 trillion, which is equal to the total combined wealth of the nation’s poorest 3.5 billion residents, or half the global population. What do you think?

  • “Halfway there, rich guys! Keep it up!”

    William Kleiser Nature Trail Guide
  • “Why does anyone need that much money? Myself, I would be happy just being richer than a few million poor people.”

    Roger Burke Web Forum Moderator
  • “Imagine if the wealthiest donated just one dollar a day to charity. That could work out to around 85 bucks a day.”

    Mimi Markovsky Supervising Editor

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