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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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World’s 85 Richest As Wealthy As Half Global Population

According to a study by Oxfam International, the 85 richest people in the world have a combined net worth of $1.7 trillion, which is equal to the total combined wealth of the nation’s poorest 3.5 billion residents, or half the global population. What do you think?

  • “Halfway there, rich guys! Keep it up!”

    William Kleiser Nature Trail Guide
  • “Why does anyone need that much money? Myself, I would be happy just being richer than a few million poor people.”

    Roger Burke Web Forum Moderator
  • “Imagine if the wealthiest donated just one dollar a day to charity. That could work out to around 85 bucks a day.”

    Mimi Markovsky Supervising Editor

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