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Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

20 Years Of Harry Potter

J.K. Rowling published ‘Harry Potter And The Philosopher’s Stone’ on June 26th, 1997, and it instantly became a cultural touchstone. The Onion looks back at the most important moments in the 20-year history of the Harry Potter franchise.

Pros And Cons Of The Gig Economy

Americans are increasingly using on-demand services, both as workers and consumers. Here are the major benefits and drawbacks of the gig economy.
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World's First Lab-Grown Hamburger Tasted

A hamburger made from 20,000 small lab-grown strands of cow muscle, which were cultured from bovine stem cells, was cooked and served today in London, though food critics described the burger as too lean and not juicy enough. What do you think?

  • “Pretty soon we’ll all be zipping around on our Segways eating lab burgers.”

    Liz Carr Rock Climbing Instructor
  • “Could a lab-grown Spicy Buffalo Chicken Griller be far behind?”

    Chip Butterly Mason
  • “Food critics are always eating hamburgers in their ivory towers.”

    Ricky Damazi Systems Analyst

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