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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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World’s Largest Known Prime Number Found

A global initiative to discover previously unknown large prime numbers has deduced the largest one ever discovered, a 22-million-digit figure known as 2^74,207,281-1 that was found at the University of Central Missouri. What do you think?

  • “Time to throw another party!”

    Wanda Koenig Gel Stirrer
  • “Congratulations, 2^74,207,281-1. You’re now in the big leagues with legends like 3 and 7.”

    Bert Normand Napkin Designer
  • “The only indivisible thing I care about is the United States of America.”

    Garrett Sanderson Refuse Disseminator

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