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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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World’s Largest Known Prime Number Found

A global initiative to discover previously unknown large prime numbers has deduced the largest one ever discovered, a 22-million-digit figure known as 2^74,207,281-1 that was found at the University of Central Missouri. What do you think?

  • “Time to throw another party!”

    Wanda Koenig Gel Stirrer
  • “Congratulations, 2^74,207,281-1. You’re now in the big leagues with legends like 3 and 7.”

    Bert Normand Napkin Designer
  • “The only indivisible thing I care about is the United States of America.”

    Garrett Sanderson Refuse Disseminator
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