adBlockCheck

Recent News

Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
End Of Section
  • More News

'Worrisome' Levels Of Arsenic In Rice

After testing more than 200 common rice products and finding “significant” and “worrisome” levels of inorganic arsenic, a toxin and known carcinogen, in nearly every item, Consumer Reports has urged Americans to curb their rice consumption. What do you think?

  • “Well, ‘worrisome’ is a relative term, just like ‘significant’ and ‘arsenic.’”

    Alex Atchley Hand Riveter
  • “That’s why my wife and I only ingest locally grown, organic arsenic.”

    Lori Finnegan EKG Technician
  • “People complain so much in this country. I’m sure there are plenty of starving children in Africa who would love to eat a bowl of arsenic.”

    Kevin Hanna Chauffeur
More Videos

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close