Worst Flu Season In A Decade

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Area Dad Thinks Refs Should Just Let Them Play Football

DOYLESTOWN, PA—Facetiously questioning how the game had suddenly become a non-contact sport, local father Aaron Harper confirmed his belief Thursday that referees officiating a Thanksgiving game between the Philadelphia Eagles and Detroit Lions should just let them play football out there.
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This Great Song, Bar Sources Report

TOMAH, WI—Pausing their conversations momentarily to call attention to the music playing on the establishment’s jukebox, sources at local bar Shepherd’s confirmed to reporters Friday that this is a great song.

Worst Flu Season In A Decade

With cities reporting as many as 10 times the number of cases as last year and a dwindling number of hospital beds, authorities have warned that this year’s flu season will be the worst in a decade, and that it has yet to reach its peak. What do you think?

  • “The flu! It’s perfect! I’ll tell Terry I have the flu!”

    Carie Lerner
    Systems Analyst
  • “Elderly people are especially prone to contracting the virus, so hopefully they spend the rest of the winter holed up alone in their old, empty apartments, devoid of human contact and staring silently out into the cold.”

    Hoyt Beddor
    Blood Tester
  • “Maybe if I start vomiting and sweating now I can fool the viruses into thinking I’m already one of theirs.”

    Bud Yeatman
    Mushroom Packer