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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.
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Worst Flu Season In A Decade

With cities reporting as many as 10 times the number of cases as last year and a dwindling number of hospital beds, authorities have warned that this year’s flu season will be the worst in a decade, and that it has yet to reach its peak. What do you think?

  • “The flu! It’s perfect! I’ll tell Terry I have the flu!”

    Carie Lerner Systems Analyst
  • “Elderly people are especially prone to contracting the virus, so hopefully they spend the rest of the winter holed up alone in their old, empty apartments, devoid of human contact and staring silently out into the cold.”

    Hoyt Beddor Blood Tester
  • “Maybe if I start vomiting and sweating now I can fool the viruses into thinking I’m already one of theirs.”

    Bud Yeatman Mushroom Packer

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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

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