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Overeager Simpleton Destroys That Which He Loves Most

WICHITA, KS—Agonizingly unaware of his own strength and the devastation it might inflict on the innocent, overeager simpleton Rob McCormick tore apart a bag of potato chips Thursday, despite the fact that it was reportedly what he loved most in all the world.

Raccoon Family Tired Of Taking Care Of Rabid Father

MONTGOMERY, WV—Acknowledging that he has become a real burden on their foraging and nesting activities, a local raccoon family told reporters Tuesday that they are starting to get tired of taking care of their rabid father.
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Would-Be Burglar Killed With Sword

A Johns Hopkins University student used a samurai sword to kill a man who had broken into his home. What do you think?
  • "If only those boys had kept a gun in the house, this tragic situation could have been highlighted in an NRA newsletter."

    Gil Pastore Dog Walker
  • "Maybe my wife will get off my back now about that trebuchet I've got set up in the garage."

    James Levy Furrier
  • "If the honor of his clan was truly threatened, then the student was justified in slaying his opponent. But if he killed a defenseless man, then he must be prepared to do penance via ritual seppuku.”

    Jan Karuschkat Box Maker

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