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Mom In Nightgown Mode

APPLETON, WI—Noting that the changeover occurred “right on schedule” after she had finished the dishes and watched TV for an hour or two, family sources confirmed Monday night that local mom Linda Rampling had officially transitioned into nightgown mode.

Car Rolls Up To Stoplight Blasting Google Maps Directions

HOUSTON—Attracting the attention of adjacent motorists and nearby pedestrians who turned their heads to see where the booming noise was coming from, a 2006 Ford Focus is said to have rolled up to a local stoplight Friday blaring Google Maps directions.

34-Year-Old Asks For Big Piece

MADISON, WI—Directing the server to the large square in the corner, local 34-year-old Matthew Hinke asked for a big piece of cake during a workplace birthday party, sources confirmed Tuesday.
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WTC Rebuild Delayed

Due to the office-space slump, it may take up to three decades to rebuild on the World Trade Center site. What do you think?
  • "Thirty years? Has anyone suggested giving up yet?"

    Connor Breegan Systems Analyst
  • "Oh, good, that will give them the opportunity to build that big memorial park the developers had argued would be a waste of money because the land is so valuable."

    Ellen Perroni Piano Teacher
  • “Can they at least put up one of those ‘Coming Soon’ billboards in the meantime?”

    Joe Horowitz Jack Strip Assembler

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