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Nobel Committee Awards Self Peace Prize For Once

‘Sometimes You Just Need To Treat Yourself,’ Sources Say

OSLO, NORWAY—Saying there was nothing wrong with treating yourself for a change, the Norwegian Nobel Committee announced Friday that it was awarding the 2017 Nobel Peace Prize to itself for once.

The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.
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WTO May Accept Russia

If negotiations go smoothly, Russia may be invited to join the World Trade Organization in 2006. What do you think?
  • "It's amazing that, with an economy that large, Russia isn't already in the WTO. Is it because they only import stolen cars and export mail-order brides?"

    Joy Hess Systems Analyst
  • "After all the bullshit they put James Bond through, those Russians have a lot of nerve expecting us to become their trade allies."

    Clinton Chan Clerk
  • "Does this mean cheaper vodka? Because, honestly, that's the last thing I need."

    Ken Dorsey Logger
  • "I'm starting my own Joe's Trade Organization, and it would be a real feather in my cap to snag Russia first."

    Joe Roach Editor
  • "Allowing a country like Russia to join the organization would make a mockery of whatever it is the WTO stands for."

    Neil Hood Police Chief
  • "Why is this an issue? Evil Communist Russians have been a part of the WWE since the '80s."

    Allison Church Midwife

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The Life Of Diana, Princess Of Wales

Today marks 20 years since the funeral of Princess Diana, known to many as the “people’s princess.” The Onion looks back at the life of Princess Diana before it was cut tragically short.

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