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The Onion’s 2017 Oscar Picks

The 89th Academy Awards features a more diverse slate of film and actor nominees than in past years, though the ceremony could still field #OscarsSoWhite criticism. Here are The Onion’s picks for who should take home the coveted Oscar statuettes:

A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:
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.xxx Rejected

ICANN, the U.S.-based corporation that assigns Internet domain names, rejected the designation ".xxx" earlier this month under pressure from conservative American lawmakers. What do you think?
  • "I'm glad they rejected it. It's not specific enough. What we need are designations like .asian or .shaved so we can really get what we're after."

    Frank Schwarz Eye Surgeon
  • "This will only hinder the online advertising for my cartoon jugs of hillbilly moonshine."

    Jerry Henderson Policeman
  • "If you can tell me a three-letter combination out there that isn't sexually suggestive, I'd love to hear it."

    Heather Donnely Shoemaker's Assistant
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