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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Yahoo Buying Tumblr For $1.1 Billion

As part of CEO Marissa Mayer’s strategy to expand the company’s social and mobile presence and attract younger users, Yahoo will purchase the popular blogging service Tumblr for $1.1 billion in cash. What do you think?

  • “I think they could have gotten it for $900 million.”

    Robert Hogan Beautician
  • “Shit. I hope Marissa Mayer still lets us blog from home.”

    Henry Kozlowski Envelope Folder
  • “Ooh, I hope they like my Tumblr about dolphins!”

    Peggy Meillon Systems Analyst

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