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‘The Princess Bride’ By The Numbers

‘The Princess Bride’ was released 30 years ago today, and it has since become a classic beloved by people of all ages. ‘The Onion’ looks back at ‘The Princess Bride’ 30 years later.

National Zoo Announces Giant Pandas To Divorce

WASHINGTON—Assuring the public that the decision was difficult but the right thing to do for all parties involved, the Smithsonian National Zoological Park announced Friday that their giant pandas would be divorcing.

New Climate Change Report Just List Of Years Each Country Becomes Uninhabitable

GENEVA—Stating that the data published within its pages represented the scientific consensus of top researchers around the world, the U.N. Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change released its annual report this week, which consists solely of an alphabetized list of every country on earth and the years each of them will become uninhabitable.
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Yahoo! Lays Off 14% Of Workforce

Internet giant Yahoo! announced it would lay off 2,000 workers in order to save $375 million annually. What do you think?

  • "So long as they don’t ax the person who keeps me up-to-date on the Kardashians when I go to check my e-mail."

    Kristen Gordon Systems Analyst
  • "Internet business is hard. I've had to fire my wife 10 times over the past year."

    Evan Fox Shaft Mechanic
  • "Thankfully, given the renewed unsustainable bubble in Internet stocks, they should be able to quickly find new jobs with disastrously overvalued companies like Groupon, Yelp, or Zynga for a couple months before being fired again."

    Stuart Herman Laboratory Assistant

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