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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Yahoo! Lays Off 14% Of Workforce

Internet giant Yahoo! announced it would lay off 2,000 workers in order to save $375 million annually. What do you think?

  • "So long as they don’t ax the person who keeps me up-to-date on the Kardashians when I go to check my e-mail."

    Kristen Gordon Systems Analyst
  • "Internet business is hard. I've had to fire my wife 10 times over the past year."

    Evan Fox Shaft Mechanic
  • "Thankfully, given the renewed unsustainable bubble in Internet stocks, they should be able to quickly find new jobs with disastrously overvalued companies like Groupon, Yelp, or Zynga for a couple months before being fired again."

    Stuart Herman Laboratory Assistant

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