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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Yahoo! Lays Off 14% Of Workforce

Internet giant Yahoo! announced it would lay off 2,000 workers in order to save $375 million annually. What do you think?

  • "So long as they don’t ax the person who keeps me up-to-date on the Kardashians when I go to check my e-mail."

    Kristen Gordon Systems Analyst
  • "Internet business is hard. I've had to fire my wife 10 times over the past year."

    Evan Fox Shaft Mechanic
  • "Thankfully, given the renewed unsustainable bubble in Internet stocks, they should be able to quickly find new jobs with disastrously overvalued companies like Groupon, Yelp, or Zynga for a couple months before being fired again."

    Stuart Herman Laboratory Assistant

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