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Frontier Airlines Tells Customers To Just Fucking Deal With It

‘You’re Uncomfortable For A Few Hours And Then You Get To Be Somewhere Else,’ Says CEO

DENVER—Noting that some discomfort should be expected while traveling to a faraway place in just a few goddamn hours, officials from ultra-low-cost carrier Frontier Airlines reportedly told customers Thursday to just fucking deal with it.

Top Family Vacation Spots

With school out for the summer, families are packing up and hitting the road. Here are The Onion’s top family vacation destinations.

Veteran Given Hero’s Welcome Back To Afghanistan

KABUL, AFGHANISTAN—Waving flags and breaking into cheers the moment they spotted the veteran, dozens of joyous citizens gave Marine Pfc. Victor Rosas, 23, a hero’s welcome back to Afghanistan, sources reported Tuesday.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.
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Yahoo! Shutting Down GeoCities

After acquiring it for $4.6 billion in 1999, Yahoo! is pulling the plug on free website host GeoCities. What do you think?
  • "And to think, it seems like only yesterday that everyone stopped using GeoCities."

    Dave Fowlks Systems Analyst
  • “Can they give us a few more months? ’Cause my web page hit counter is tantalizingly close to reaching triple digits.”

    Melissa Brandon Unemployed
  • "At least we still have Angelfire. Flame on, you wingèd messenger of God."

    Matt Burtz Mechanic

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