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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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Yankee Crashes Plane In NYC

A small plane piloted by New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle hit a Manhattan high-rise apartment building Wednesday. What do you think?
  • "Steinbrenner will do anything to keep the Mets out of the paper."

    Rebecca Lew Tour Guide
  • "Does any one else find it an amazing 'coincidence' that his happened on the 11th and the 'Yankees' plus 'Cory' has 11 letters, and October is the month after September?"

    John Canyon Machinist
  • "Five years and one month later and nothing has changed—buildings still haven't learned to stay out of the way of planes."

    Rick Crawford Systems Analyst

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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