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‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.

Nation Not Sure How To Describe Mark

‘You Would Have To Meet Him,’ Millions Say

WASHINGTON—Saying you’d understand what they were talking about the moment you laid eyes on him, the entire nation reported Monday that it was kind of hard to describe Mark and you’d just have to meet him.

Report: Shit, Last Night Was Trash Night

CHELSEA, MA—Stopping in his tracks upon discovering his entire block lined with empty bins, local man Roger Peters reported Thursday that, shit, last night was trash night.
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Yankee Crashes Plane In NYC

A small plane piloted by New York Yankees pitcher Cory Lidle hit a Manhattan high-rise apartment building Wednesday. What do you think?
  • "Steinbrenner will do anything to keep the Mets out of the paper."

    Rebecca Lew Tour Guide
  • "Does any one else find it an amazing 'coincidence' that his happened on the 11th and the 'Yankees' plus 'Cory' has 11 letters, and October is the month after September?"

    John Canyon Machinist
  • "Five years and one month later and nothing has changed—buildings still haven't learned to stay out of the way of planes."

    Rick Crawford Systems Analyst

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