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Study: Other Countries Weird

BOSTON—Examining a wide variety of cross-cultural data, a Boston University study released Monday determined that other countries are weird.

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

North Korea Successfully Detonates Nuclear Scientist

PYONGYANG—Hailing it as a significant step forward for their ballistic weapons program just hours after suffering a failed missile launch, North Korean leaders announced Monday they had successfully detonated a nuclear scientist.

Tokyo Portal Outage Delays Millions Of Japanese Warp Commuters

TOKYO—Saying the outdated system needed to be upgraded or replaced to avoid similar problems going forward, millions of inconvenienced Japanese warp commuters expressed frustration Thursday following a Tokyo portal outage that caused delays of up to eight seconds.
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Yeltsin's Failing Health

Russian President Boris Yeltsin's questionable physical condition has been the subject of much discussion lately, reaching a fever pitch with last week's announcement that he is too weak to undergo a heart operation. What do you think about his poor health?
  • "My grandpa got sick and old and died. You don't think the same thing could happen to Yeltsin, do you?"

    Laurence Grieg Financial Planner
  • "Maybe the U.S. could send him some coloring books to cheer him up."

    Walt Huber City Councilman
  • "The rising popularity of the Russian folk song, 'Where is Yeltsin? Is He In the Cupboard?' is indicative of these troubled times."

    Cheryl Coogan Gaffer
  • "I only wish I'd responded to his letters and answered his calls. Now the poor man's dying of a broken heart."

    Bill Kent Tax Attorney
  • "As one of Russia's top physicians, I'd recommend Yeltsin reduce his beef intake to four giant helpings a day."

    Lenore Post Systems Analyst
  • "USA! USA! Hey, if Yeltsin doesn't like it here, he can fuckin' move to Russia."

    Peter Frankowicz Housesitter

More from this section

Japanese Family Puts Aging Robot In Retirement Home

KYOTO, JAPAN—Saying the move to the assisted care facility was the right decision after so many years of operation, members of the Akiyama family finally put their aging robot in a retirement home, sources reported Friday.

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