adBlockCheck

Recent News

Biden Opts Out Of Putting Last Few Felonies On Job Application

WASHINGTON—Saying he would be “sitting pretty” if he landed such a primo gig, Vice President Joe Biden reportedly decided Tuesday to leave off several of his most recent felonies while filling out a job application for a blackjack dealer position at the Horseshoe Casino Baltimore.
End Of Section
  • More News

Young Adults, Teens Having Less Sex

According to a survey by the Guttmacher Institute, the number of teens and young adults who report they've never had intercourse has risen substantially. What do you think?

  • "Getting laid doesn’t hold the sway it used to over UC Berkeley early admission."

    Ira Brown Machine Fastener
  • "Well, maybe they're finally realizing that just hanging out and listening to FLY 92.6 while studying for your bio-chem test can be just as stimulating as getting fingered in the woods."

    Laura Caro Yield-Loss Inspector
  • "This is obviously the fault of Hollywood. How are teens supposed to figure out how to do it in this multiplex desert barren of raucous teen sex comedies?"

    Jeff Finn Edge Setter

WATCH VIDEO FROM THE ONION

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close