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Tips For Hotel Etiquette

Staying in a hotel can be a fun and luxurious experience, but it requires consideration of the guests around you. The Onion presents its guide to hotel etiquette:

Report: Look How Big Player Is Next To Sideline Reporter

GREEN BAY, WI—Marveling at the pronounced disparity in size during the postgame interview, sources confirmed Sunday that, Jesus Christ, just look at how big Houston Texans nose tackle Vince Wilfork is next to the CBS sideline reporter.

John Kerry Throws Vine Over Pit Of Quicksand To Save Child Companion

PANGSAU, MYANMAR—Thinking quickly to thwart disaster as he ventured deep into the Myanmar rainforest to meet with State Councilor Aung San Suu Kyi, Secretary of State John Kerry threw a vine over a pit of quicksand to save the life of his 12-year-old Moroccan companion, Drumstick, sources confirmed Monday.

Report: This Movie Old Enough That They Might Have Actually Hurt Dog

GARDNER, MA—Realizing the movie was probably made years before any sort of mandatory industry oversight, nervous viewers watching a Turner Classic Movies airing of ‘Home On The Range’ Sunday night told reporters that the classic western was old enough that the filmmakers might have actually hurt the dog that starred in the motion picture.

Best Sports Video Games Of All Time

With titles such as ‘FIFA 17’ and ’NBA 2K17’ expected to be popular gifts this holiday season, Onion Sports looks back on some of the best sports video games of all time.
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Young Americans Fueling Nation’s Yogurt Craze

While overall dairy consumption has remained consistent, yogurt sales in the United States have more than doubled since 2001, a nationwide craze that has been driven largely by those aged 18 to 34. What do you think?

  • “Tell me about it. Everything out of their mouths these days is ‘Twitter this’ and ‘yogurt that.’”

    Randy Grinaldi Head Irrigator
  • “Kids today! You just never know what kind of bacteria they’re going to start shoveling into their mouths next.”

    Pam Braggs Blanket Cutter
  • “This sounds like a backlash against older folks jumping on that oral sex trend the young people had a few years back.”

    Carlos Martinez Inventory Transcriber

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