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Woman Conducting Ongoing Scientific Experiment On Own Skin

DULUTH, MN—Noting her methodic applications of various chemical agents in carefully controlled combinations, sources confirmed Wednesday that local woman Sara Holloway has been carrying out an open-ended scientific experiment on her own skin.

Earth Ranked Number One Party Planet

FRAMINGHAM, MA—Noting its high concentration of nightlife, droves of attractive singles, and atmospheric conditions allowing liquid alcohol to exist, the ‘Princeton Review’ on Monday ranked Earth the Milky Way galaxy’s top party planet for the fifth year in a row.
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Young E-Cigarette Users Less Likely To Quit Smoking

According to a new study from researchers at the University of California San Francisco, middle and high school students who use electronic cigarettes are more likely to smoke real cigarettes and be heavier smokers than those who don’t. What do you think?

  • “What’s wrong with kids today? I never needed any fancy electronic cigarettes to get me to smoke more.”

    Dennis Zager Shipment Coordinator
  • “That’s why I made my daughter smoke a whole battery pack of e-cigs to turn her off the habit.”

    Bob Durand Credit Analyst
  • “I told my kid they were bad for him, but did he listen? No, he just kept blowing not-smoke in my face.”

    Justine Schneider Photography Instructor
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