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Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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Youth Sports, Adult Violence

The past year has seen a surge in adult violence at youth sporting events, including the beating death of a hockey coach by a player's father. What do you think?
  • "Why are these grown men hitting each other? They should be hitting the kid who blew the game."

    Marty Behr Systems Analyst
  • "This parental aggression is spreading into other youth activities, as well. I took a knee to the kidney when my daughter forgot her Christmas-pageant lines."

    Joan Weitz Homemaker
  • "Hey, if you'd seen that ref's call, we'd have been fighting over the shotgun."

    Damian Thomas Forklift Operator
  • "Ask me that question again. Go ahead. I fuckin' dare you, you fucking piece of shit."

    Bob Bryson Sales Coordinator
  • "I blame the cheerleaders. They're the ones stirring people to violence with that 'Be aggressive! B-E aggressive!' cheer."

    Dina Sargento Social Worker
  • "What better way to impart to our children the important life lesson, 'Do as I say, not as I do'?"

    Omar Husserl Glazier

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