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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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YouTube Clamps Down

YouTube, the popular video-hosting website, is getting rid of all clips copyrighted by others. What do you think?
  • “Finally I'll have a single source for all the videos I have no desire to watch.”

    Chad Gonz Rental Agent
  • “I worry that this will have a chilling effect on the intellectual discourse typically on display in the comments section of a clip of Entourage.”

    Ryan Irving Metal Restorationist
  • “Thank goodness there's still so much in the public domain. I can't wait to see that adaptation of Pope's The Rape of the Lock that's been going around.”

    Stephanie Dolder Solar Panel Installer

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