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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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Zero Percent Of Lesbian-Raised Children Report Abuse

According to a study from the UCLA, zero percent of children who were raised by a lesbian couple reported being victims of physical or sexual abuse. What do you think?

  • "Give me a second—I'm sure I can figure out how a little bit of child abuse is all part of God's plan."

    Susie Washam Systems Analyst
  • "Yeah, but 100 percent of those kids’ parents are total lesbians."

    Kevin Bradford Meat inspector
  • "Based on my knowledge, they probably don't have much time to interact with their children at all given that they're always slowly taking off each other's matching cheerleader uniforms or playfully sudsing one another up."

    Kevin Sims Interline Clerk
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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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