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Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.

Jimmy Carter Contemplating Dying Right Here And Now

WASHINGTON—Carefully weighing the pros and cons of each option from his seat onstage at Donald Trump’s inauguration, former president Jimmy Carter is, according to late-breaking reports, currently contemplating dying right here and now.
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Zimmerman Appears Uninjured In Video

In a surveillance video of assailant George Zimmerman from the night of the Trayvon Martin shooting, Zimmerman does not appear to be bloody or injured, raising questions about his story of being attacked and beaten by Martin. What do you think?

  • "Perhaps the Sanford police should consider switching to the Canon Legria HF G10, which shoots 1920 by 1080 high-def video with an optional 25p frame rate for a truly cinematic look."

    Darby Villechaize Home Attendant
  • "Okay, fine. Let’s assume Trayvon Martin didn’t attack George Zimmerman. Does that make him any less black?"

    Chuck Tyrrell Sanitarian
  • "A new clue! This horrific tragedy keeps getting better and better!"

    Peggy Lindley Unemployed

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