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Keys To The Matchup: Packers vs. Falcons

The NFC Championship Game pits the Atlanta Falcons against the Green Bay Packers for the rare chance to play a meaningful game in Houston. Onion Sports breaks down what each team must do to win.

Black Man Out Of Work

WASHINGTON—Joining the ranks of the unemployed at a time when joblessness remains stubbornly high among African Americans, 55-year-old local black man Barack Obama has lost the full-time job he has held for the past eight years, sources confirmed Friday.

Departing Obama Tearfully Shoos Away Loyal Drone Following Him Out Of White House

‘Go On Now, Git,’ Says Former President

WASHINGTON—Stopping and turning around as he made his way across the South Lawn after hearing the unmanned aerial vehicle hovering just feet behind him, outgoing President Barack Obama tearfully shooed away a loyal MQ-9 Reaper drone attempting to follow him out of the White House, sources confirmed Friday.
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Zimmerman Charged With Second-Degree Murder

Six and a half weeks after the incident, George Zimmerman was arrested and charged with second-degree murder in the shooting death of 17-year-old Trayvon Martin. What do you think?

  • "Is it just me, or is this rush to judgment taking forever?"

    Gene Robinson Rigger
  • "That's a tough break for Zimmerman. After seven weeks you can't be charged with a crime in Florida."

    Raymond Higgins Brokerage Clerk
  • "But who is going to watch the neighborhood while Zimmerman is in jail? See, no one thought of that."

    Collette Laurence Travel Accommodations Rater

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