10 O’Clock News Team Relying Heavily On Work Of 6 O’Clock News Team

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Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

NEW YORK—Immediately halting production on his latest project after hearing of the incredible talent, legendary actor Robert De Niro was reportedly stunned to learn Wednesday that Bayonne, NJ resident Eric Sullivan, 33, can quote the critically acclaimed 1990 Martin Scorsese film Goodfellas at length.

Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history

Netflix To Temporarily Remove Every Movie Except ‘Hard Eight’

‘Everyone Should See It At Least Once,’ Company Says

LOS GATOS, CA—Saying that everyone, including all 65 million of its subscribers, really ought to see the film at least once, Netflix announced Tuesday that it will suspend all streaming content except Hard Eight for a full month.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of September 15, 2015

ARIES: Some things only become funny when you look back on them years later. Conversely, the events of next week will seem funny at the time, but as the years go by, society will gain sensitivity and learn to outgrow that sort of thing.

Your Horoscopes – Week of May 1, 2012

ARIES: You will experience unbounded happiness and success in every area of your life this week, unless of course there is something fundamentally and irreversibly wrong with you.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 18, 2015

ARIES: Your feeling of impending doom shall come to nothing again this week as the world continues to turn and your life goes on as normal. Perhaps you should consider feeling useless and stupid instead.

Highlights From ‘Go Set A Watchman’

Harper Lee’s buzzed-about new release, Go Set A Watchman, went on sale last week, taking the world by storm with its new investigations of Scout Finch as a grown woman and its divisive portrayal of her father, Atticus Finch, as a racist figure. Here are some highlights from the new book:

Leonardo DiCaprio Agrees To Donate It-Factor To Science

LOS ANGELES—Saying the gift would immeasurably improve their understanding of the ineffable quality that makes certain big-screen stars positively radiate, researchers at the University of California Los Angeles announced Tuesday that A-list actor Leonardo DiCaprio has agreed to donate his it-factor to science.

How Theaters Are Trying To Win Back Moviegoers

The number of Americans who went to the movies hit a 20-year low in 2014, leaving theaters scrambling to find ways to incentivize the public to see new releases on the big screen rather than watch films at home or on the internet. Here are some methods theaters are using to win back audiences and increase box office sales:

Comic-Con Survival Guide

San Diego Comic-Con is expected to draw more than 130,000 fans to Southern California this year to participate in cosplaying, attend panels, go to film screenings, and learn more about their favorite series. Here are some tips for surviving the four-day conference

Your Horoscopes — Week Of July 7, 2014

ARIES: Your belief that nothing can stop you will be tested this week by depression, procrastination, concrete barriers, dysentery, armed gunmen, and the unanimous passage of several laws targeted specifically at stopping you.

Disney Unveils First Virgin Princess

LOS ANGELES—In an effort to better reflect the diverse backgrounds and experiences of their audience, Disney officials this week introduced Lily of Hazelberry, the company’s first virgin princess.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 23, 2015

ARIES: The universe, in all its wisdom, has a plan for everyone. Strangely, you’re supposed to be the nun who holds up a distributor cap and winks while the Nazis try to start their car.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 9, 2015

ARIES: Your death next week will seem in­explicable until people remember the ill-advised 1985 “cross your heart and hope to die” pledge you made to be best friends with Jenny Bosben.

New Music Festival Just Large Empty Field To Do Drugs In

Declaring the event a rousing success so far, organizers confirmed more than 45,000 people turned out Wednesday for the first annual Cavalcade Folk and Roots Festival, a four-day gathering that consists solely of a big empty field to do drugs in.

Director Seeking Relatively Unknown Actress For Next Affair

LOS ANGELES—Saying that he’s going for a certain look and will know it when he sees it, feature film director Peter Hastings, 52, confirmed to reporters Wednesday that he hopes to find a relatively unknown actress for his next extramarital affair.

Your Horoscopes — Week Of May 26, 2015

ARIES: You’re not sure if your new mousetrap is better, but due to its horrifying use of liquefying blades, the world will beat a path to your door out of sheer morbid curiosity.

Famous Television Finales

The award-winning AMC series Mad Men ended its seven-season run on Sunday night and drew critical acclaim for its final episode, a conclusion that many felt was poignant and satisfying. Here are some other memorable TV finales across the years

Plan For Future Still Involves Drumming For Lifehouse

SOUTH BEND, IN—Fifteen years after first envisioning the path he hoped his professional life would take, local man Brent Gibbs is still planning his future around being the drummer for Los Angeles-based alternative rock band Lifehouse, sources confi...

Fox Revives ‘X-Files’: What To Expect

After months of speculation, Fox has announced that it is bringing back its hit ’90s TV show The X-Files, about a team of FBI special agents investigating unsolved cases about strange and paranormal phenomena, for at least six new episodes...

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 24, 2015

ARIES: Your belief that everything happens for a reason may remain unshaken in the face of personal tragedy, but you'll certainly be upset when you find out the reason is "to get the Zodiac some chicks." 

Your Horoscopes — Week Of March 10, 2015

ARIES: As long as people don't look too long and the lights aren't too bright, no one will be able to see where they tried to fix your face from what will happen to it this coming Thursday. 

Nation Delighted As Many Famous People In Same Room Together

HOLLYWOOD—Expressing their immense personal satisfaction at the gathering appearing on their television screens, millions of Americans across the country were reportedly delighted Sunday night upon seeing many famous people in the same room together...
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Special Coverage



Ugh, This A Place Where Bartenders Wear Bow Tie

PITTSBURGH—Saying they should have known from the moment they walked in the unmarked speakeasy entrance and spotted the extensive wood paneling, customers confirmed Friday that, ugh, this is one of those places where the bartenders all wear bow ties.

10 O’Clock News Team Relying Heavily On Work Of 6 O’Clock News Team

AMARILLO, TX—Despite claims from the TV news outlet to offer "nonstop news" and "coverage you can count on," an Onion investigation has uncovered hundreds of instances in which KAMR Channel 4 10 O’Clock Eyewitness News team relied almost exclusively on news reports, weather forecasts, and even special-interest features already generated by the station’s 6 O’Clock Eyewitness News team.

The investigation found that 10 O’Clock News Team is in fact not the "team you can trust."

In an examination of 98 consecutive prime-time and late-night broadcasts, including dozens more nationwide, the Amarillo-based station—the region’s self-styled "News Leader"—repeatedly ran pieces for its Health Beat, Pet Patrol, and Bargain Busters segments in both evening news slots, and regularly relayed the same weather updates and traffic reports up to 15 times a day. KAMR even routinely rehashed 6 p.m. footage for seemingly urgent "breaking news" reports, most recently the Plum Creek Nursing Home power outage and the Bonham Middle School roof collapse.

In an April incident involving the 10 p.m. recap of a local Cancer Fun Run, anchor Andy Justus read almost the exact same copy introducing the piece as he had just four hours earlier, while reporter Shalandys Anderson altered only one word between broadcasts, changing "heartwarming" to "inspiring."

"If they’re ‘on our side,’ as they claim, what, then, is a purportedly professional news team doing in the four hours between broadcasts?" Amarillo resident and frequent local-news viewer Mark Jette said.

During another 10 p.m. broadcast, "live continuing coverage" from reporter Matt Orlando of a two-alarm Elwood Park house fire consisted almost wholly of previously aired footage of the firefighters in action. The lack of updated footage disappointed viewers such as Hereford, TX’s Kelly Byer, whose mild curiosity about the blaze, first piqued at the 6 p.m. newscast, went ungratified.

<h3>"We'll continue to watch this important breaking news story."</h3> <p>Elizabeth Dinh, after a report on a broken gas main, which had already run in two previous newscasts</p>

"It’s true that the image of that scorched little doll was powerful and may have bore repeating, but where was the follow-up footage of the devastated family at a Red Cross shelter?" Byer said. "Or some fresh b-roll of the charred ruins of the house? The public deserves better."

The investigation also found the 10 p.m. KAMR broadcast consistently re-aired closing stock numbers and high-school baseball highlights and sports bloopers, its producers and anchors apparently unaware or indifferent to the fact that the information was hours old and already common knowledge among viewers.

"They say that the 6 o’clock news team is ‘the area’s most watched news team’," Jette said. "Especially by the 10 o’clock news team."

Just last Tuesday, investigative reporter Meaghan Collier’s "Problem Solvers" segment on squalid conditions at a local dog kennel aired again at 10 p.m. without even a cursory update on the broken-legged puppy featured in the report.

"Their ‘Scorching Summer’ coverage was even worse," Jette continued. "How many times do you have to repeat the same ‘cool tips’ before all of Amarillo is crystal clear on exactly how to beat the heat?"

While KAMR was a particularly flagrant offender, it is by no means alone. In a segment about the San Diego Zoo’s baby pandas, KFMB- TV-8’s News At 11 not only offered footage identical to the previous telecast, but practically indistinguishable coos of affection from the co-anchor.

At some stations, the problem goes far beyond one-time reuse. An 11 p.m. segment on heart-smart dinner alternatives on New Haven, Connecticut’s WTNH Channel 8 was not only previously seen on the 6 p.m. news, but also on Live At 5, The 4 Report, and The News At Noon With Sonia Baghdady. Another piece on the city’s aging school buses was rotated into the following day’s Good Morning New Haven! as well.

In extreme examples, such as in Louisville, KY’s WLKY-TV prime-time and late-night newscasts, the only distinguishable characteristic is the lead anchor’s concluding suggestion to "stay tuned for [David Letterman’s] The Late Show."

Despite the mounting controversy over the KAMR Channel 4 team, the investigation was unable to conclusively prove that the hopeful wishes to see viewers the next day, and the camaraderie and laughter shared between co-anchors Kyla Cullinane and Elizabeth Dinh, were anything less than genuine.

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