How Movies Receive Their Ratings

Many Americans use the MPAA’s formalized rating system as a guide for which films to see. The Onion provides a step-by-step view into how these ratings are chosen:

‘Winnie-The-Pooh’ Turns 90

Winnie-The-Pooh, the A.A. Milne series featuring a stuffed bear and his toy animal friends, debuted 90 years ago this week. Here are some milestones from the franchise’s nearly century-long run:

50 Years Of ‘Star Trek’

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How Big-Budget Movies Flop

Despite the recent box-office failures of Exodus, Ben-Hur, and Gods Of Egypt, studios continue to fund big-budget movies they hope will achieve blockbuster success. The Onion provides a step-by-step breakdown of how one of these movies becomes a flop:

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 30, 2016

ARIES: Sometimes in life, you just need to stop whatever it is you’re doing and take a step back. Actually, maybe it’s two steps back. Yeah, that’s good. Keep going. The stars will let you know when you’re far enough.

‘Rugrats’ Turns 25

This August marks the 25th anniversary of the premiere of Rugrats, the beloved Nickelodeon cartoon about intrepid baby Tommy Pickles and his group of toddler friends. Here are some milestones from the show’s nine-season run

Your Horoscopes — Week Of August 9, 2016

ARIES: Your life’s story will soon play out in front of movie theater audiences across the country, though it’ll only last about 30 seconds and advertise free soft drink refills in the main lobby.

Director Has Clear Vision Of How Studio Will Destroy Movie

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Your Horoscopes — Week Of June 14, 2016

ARIES: Once the laughter dies down, the party favors are put away, and the monkeys led back inside their cages, you’ll finally be given a chance to explain your side of the story.

Lost Jack London Manuscript, ‘The Doggy,’ Found

RYE, NY—Workers inventorying the estate of a recently deceased Westchester County art dealer earlier this month reportedly stumbled upon a draft of a previously unknown Jack London novel titled The Doggy, and the work is already being hailed by many within the literary world as a masterpiece.

Guide To The Characters Of ‘The Force Awakens’

The highly anticipated seventh episode in the ‘Star Wars’ series, ‘The Force Awakens,’ which will be released December 18, will feature several returning characters as well as a host of new ones. Here is a guide to the characters of ‘Star Wars: The Force Awakens.’

Robert De Niro Stunned To Learn Of Man Who Can Quote ‘Goodfellas’

‘Bring Him To Me,’ Actor Demands

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Timeline Of The James Bond Series

This week marks the release of the 24th film in the James Bond franchise, Spectre, featuring Daniel Craig in his fourth appearance as the British secret agent. Here are some notable moments from the film series’s 53-year history
End Of Section
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10 O’Clock News Team Relying Heavily On Work Of 6 O’Clock News Team

AMARILLO, TX—Despite claims from the TV news outlet to offer "nonstop news" and "coverage you can count on," an Onion investigation has uncovered hundreds of instances in which KAMR Channel 4 10 O’Clock Eyewitness News team relied almost exclusively on news reports, weather forecasts, and even special-interest features already generated by the station’s 6 O’Clock Eyewitness News team.

The investigation found that 10 O’Clock News Team is in fact not the "team you can trust."

In an examination of 98 consecutive prime-time and late-night broadcasts, including dozens more nationwide, the Amarillo-based station—the region’s self-styled "News Leader"—repeatedly ran pieces for its Health Beat, Pet Patrol, and Bargain Busters segments in both evening news slots, and regularly relayed the same weather updates and traffic reports up to 15 times a day. KAMR even routinely rehashed 6 p.m. footage for seemingly urgent "breaking news" reports, most recently the Plum Creek Nursing Home power outage and the Bonham Middle School roof collapse.

In an April incident involving the 10 p.m. recap of a local Cancer Fun Run, anchor Andy Justus read almost the exact same copy introducing the piece as he had just four hours earlier, while reporter Shalandys Anderson altered only one word between broadcasts, changing "heartwarming" to "inspiring."

"If they’re ‘on our side,’ as they claim, what, then, is a purportedly professional news team doing in the four hours between broadcasts?" Amarillo resident and frequent local-news viewer Mark Jette said.

During another 10 p.m. broadcast, "live continuing coverage" from reporter Matt Orlando of a two-alarm Elwood Park house fire consisted almost wholly of previously aired footage of the firefighters in action. The lack of updated footage disappointed viewers such as Hereford, TX’s Kelly Byer, whose mild curiosity about the blaze, first piqued at the 6 p.m. newscast, went ungratified.

<h3>"We'll continue to watch this important breaking news story."</h3> <p>Elizabeth Dinh, after a report on a broken gas main, which had already run in two previous newscasts</p>

"It’s true that the image of that scorched little doll was powerful and may have bore repeating, but where was the follow-up footage of the devastated family at a Red Cross shelter?" Byer said. "Or some fresh b-roll of the charred ruins of the house? The public deserves better."

The investigation also found the 10 p.m. KAMR broadcast consistently re-aired closing stock numbers and high-school baseball highlights and sports bloopers, its producers and anchors apparently unaware or indifferent to the fact that the information was hours old and already common knowledge among viewers.

"They say that the 6 o’clock news team is ‘the area’s most watched news team’," Jette said. "Especially by the 10 o’clock news team."

Just last Tuesday, investigative reporter Meaghan Collier’s "Problem Solvers" segment on squalid conditions at a local dog kennel aired again at 10 p.m. without even a cursory update on the broken-legged puppy featured in the report.

"Their ‘Scorching Summer’ coverage was even worse," Jette continued. "How many times do you have to repeat the same ‘cool tips’ before all of Amarillo is crystal clear on exactly how to beat the heat?"

While KAMR was a particularly flagrant offender, it is by no means alone. In a segment about the San Diego Zoo’s baby pandas, KFMB- TV-8’s News At 11 not only offered footage identical to the previous telecast, but practically indistinguishable coos of affection from the co-anchor.

At some stations, the problem goes far beyond one-time reuse. An 11 p.m. segment on heart-smart dinner alternatives on New Haven, Connecticut’s WTNH Channel 8 was not only previously seen on the 6 p.m. news, but also on Live At 5, The 4 Report, and The News At Noon With Sonia Baghdady. Another piece on the city’s aging school buses was rotated into the following day’s Good Morning New Haven! as well.

In extreme examples, such as in Louisville, KY’s WLKY-TV prime-time and late-night newscasts, the only distinguishable characteristic is the lead anchor’s concluding suggestion to "stay tuned for [David Letterman’s] The Late Show."

Despite the mounting controversy over the KAMR Channel 4 team, the investigation was unable to conclusively prove that the hopeful wishes to see viewers the next day, and the camaraderie and laughter shared between co-anchors Kyla Cullinane and Elizabeth Dinh, were anything less than genuine.

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