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‘Star Wars’ Turns 40

When George Lucas’ Star Wars premiered in 1977, the movie quickly became a phenomenon. On its 40th anniversary, The Onion looks back on the franchise’s defining moments:

Ringo Starr Announces 26th Beatles Album With New Backing Band

‘Moonbeam Sunday’ Slated For Release On June 16

LONDON—Excitedly informing fans that the iconic pop group was back with more original music, Ringo Starr announced Tuesday that on June 16 he would be releasing a 26th Beatles album titled ‘Moonbeam Sunday’ with an all-new backing band.
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10-Year-Old Shocked Woman From 'Guinness Book' Who Can Pop Her Eyes Out Not A Millionaire

CARPENTERSVILLE, IL—Stunned shock and dismay were just a few of the reactions from Bobby Guntergrass on Tuesday when the 10-year-old learned that the woman from The Guinness Book Of World Records who has the ability to pop her bulging eyeballs nearly all the way out of their sockets was not a millionaire. "No way, she's gotta to be rich," said Guntergrass, adding that, if he himself possessed the woman's unique attribute, he would be a billionaire. "Maybe she spent it all on a giant house. Yeah, that makes sense. She probably bought a huge mansion." At press time, Guntergrass had reportedly grown even more disillusioned after learning that the man who holds the record for the world's longest fingernails lives in a developing nation and has no access to clean water.

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