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Report: Grandpa Just Walks Like That Now

CULVER CITY, CA—According to family sources, the prominent limp displayed by local grandpa Marvin Adelstein on Tuesday is indicative of the fact that he just walks like that now.

Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

Wife Dropping Hints She Ready To Have Second Husband

LA JOLLA, CA—Noticing a sudden change in her demeanor and attentiveness when around young married men, sources confirmed Tuesday that area woman Michelle Roderick was beginning to drop hints that she wanted to try for a second husband.
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10th-Grade Prodigy Studying Mathematics At 10th-Grade Level

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Marveling at his extraordinary proficiency in geometry for someone his age, teachers at T.C. Williams High School told reporters Thursday that local 10th-grade prodigy Michael Greenan is currently studying mathematics at a 10th-grade level. “Michael is a really gifted kid. He’s working his way through a sophomore math textbook right now, learning and applying concepts such as the Pythagorean theorem and the Cartesian coordinate system that his fellow 10th-graders can’t even begin to comprehend,” said Greenan’s math teacher, Emily Cress, citing the 16-year-old whiz’s impressive understanding of the state-mandated curriculum that is designated appropriate for his age range. “The truth is, he’s always had exceptional mathematical abilities. I remember hearing crazy stories years ago about how he passed his eighth-grade placement tests at 13. If he keeps this up, by the end of the year, he could be ready for 11th-grade algebra 2.” Cress went on to add that at this rate, the wunderkind will probably graduate from college by the time he’s 22.

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Family Moves Elderly Aunt Into Subconscious

RIO RANCHO, NM—After months spent deliberating the best option for their family, members of the Cooper household decided on Monday to move their elderly aunt Joyce Reynolds into their collective subconscious.

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