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Who's Fucking: Zack and Evan

Coworkers Zack and Evan talk about moving past first impressions, stepping out of your comfort zone, and understanding what it really means to fuck someone.

Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

Guest Searches Hand Towel For Low-Traffic Area

INDIO, CA—Noting several distinct patches of damp, matted fibers, houseguest Tara Muirsky scoured her host’s lone bathroom towel for a low-traffic area with which to dry her hands, sources confirmed Monday.

Nation’s Sanitation Workers Announce Everything Finally Clean

‘Please Try To Keep It This Way,’ Say Workers

WASHINGTON—After spending years sweeping and scrubbing across all 50 states, the nation’s sanitation workers announced Thursday that everything was finally clean and asked Americans if they could please keep it that way.
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10th-Grade Prodigy Studying Mathematics At 10th-Grade Level

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Marveling at his extraordinary proficiency in geometry for someone his age, teachers at T.C. Williams High School told reporters Thursday that local 10th-grade prodigy Michael Greenan is currently studying mathematics at a 10th-grade level. “Michael is a really gifted kid. He’s working his way through a sophomore math textbook right now, learning and applying concepts such as the Pythagorean theorem and the Cartesian coordinate system that his fellow 10th-graders can’t even begin to comprehend,” said Greenan’s math teacher, Emily Cress, citing the 16-year-old whiz’s impressive understanding of the state-mandated curriculum that is designated appropriate for his age range. “The truth is, he’s always had exceptional mathematical abilities. I remember hearing crazy stories years ago about how he passed his eighth-grade placement tests at 13. If he keeps this up, by the end of the year, he could be ready for 11th-grade algebra 2.” Cress went on to add that at this rate, the wunderkind will probably graduate from college by the time he’s 22.

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Area Man Excited To Hear Girlfriend Has Been Doing A Lot Of Thinking

‘She Must Have Come Up With A Really Great Idea,’ Says Man

ELMHURST, IL—Barely able to contain his enthusiasm for whatever they would be talking about later on, area man Marc Kahan was reportedly excited to hear that his girlfriend has been doing a lot of thinking, saying Thursday that she must have come up with a really great idea.

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