142 Plane Crash Victims Were Statistically More Likely To Have Died In A Car Crash

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Vol 48 Issue 17

Pilots

ABC 8:00 p.m. EST/7:00 p.m. CST Two airline captains concoct new TV show ideas as they fly

Report: A-Rod Probably Thinking About Betting On Baseball

NEW YORK—After carefully analyzing the progression of contemptible things the Yankees third baseman has done in his career, a report released Friday by the University of Missouri's sports psychology department concluded Alex Rodriguez is most likely...

Cash Cab

Discovery 6:30 p.m. EST/5:30 p.m. CST People who can afford to take cabs get a once-in-a-lifetime shot at hundreds of dollars.
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Just Like Everything Else!: Fox 8 p.m. EDT/7 p.m. ABC Pete's wife is still on him about building that darn shed, these kids are going to be the death of Sheila and Dave, and the hot next-door neighbor is up in EVERYBODY'S business! Sunday nights on ABC couldn't be any more familiar!

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  • Night Out Consecrated With Opening Exchange Of High-Fives

    CHARLOTTE, NC—Kicking off the evening with their customary expression of excitement and camaraderie, a group of friends reportedly consecrated their night out on the town Friday with a ceremonial opening exchange of high-fives.

142 Plane Crash Victims Were Statistically More Likely To Have Died In A Car Crash

WASHINGTON—Following last week's deadly crash of United Airlines flight 9753, which claimed the lives of 137 passengers and five crew members, the National Transportation Safety Board announced Wednesday that the victims were actually far likelier to have perished in an automobile accident. "Although these individuals died tragically, it's important to remember that their flight was 80 times less likely to kill them than if they had driven to their destination," said NTSB chairperson Deborah Hersman, adding that their horrific deaths were "almost a statistical impossibility" when compared to highway travel. "In actuality, these people were 11 times more likely to die crossing the street than in the terrifying onboard fire and subsequent 10,000-foot free fall that took their lives." Hersman concluded by reaching out to the victims' families, stating that she sincerely wished they would have been able to see 24 of their loved ones eventually die of violent heart attacks, 20 waste away from cancer, and one or two commit suicide, as would be expected of a random 142-person sample.

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