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A Timeline Of The EPA

A recently introduced House bill that would dissolve the Environmental Protection Agency questions the value of what this agency does and what its goals are. The Onion provides a timeline of the EPA’s 47-year history:

Man Either Sick Or Just At End Of Workday

CINCINNATI—Overwhelmed by a wave of fatigue, local man Will Markowski told reporters Tuesday that he was uncertain whether he was getting sick or if it was just the end of a normal workday.

A Timeline Of Abraham Lincoln’s Life

Every February, people across the the nation celebrate the legacy of Abraham Lincoln, widely considered to be one of America’s finest presidents. The Onion provides a timeline of the key moments in President Lincoln’s life:
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17-Year Cicadas Horrified To Learn About 9/11

NEW YORK—Following their synchronized emergence this week after gestating underground since 1996, a colossal swarm of 17-year cicadas were horrified today to learn about the events of September 11, 2001. “Holy shit, are you serious?” said one member of the East Coast brood of winged insects, expressing its continued shock and horror about the coordinated terrorist attacks that claimed the lives of 3,000 people. “They just flew the planes right into the fucking buildings? Man, oh, man. People must have just been completely freaking out. Christ, I know I would have been.” At press time, the 17-year cicadas were beginning to express serious doubts about how two structures supported by reinforced concrete and steel beams could just collapse like that.

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