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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

Voter Fraud: Myth Vs. Fact

Concerns over fraudulent voting have grown since the 2016 election, with President Trump himself claiming that millions of people voted illegally. The Onion debunks some common myths about voter fraud.
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18-Year-Old Fighting In Afghanistan Has 9/11 Explained To Him By Older Soldier

KANDAHAR, AFGHANISTAN—After asking why the United States was in Afghanistan in the first place, 18-year-old U.S. Army Pvt. Josh McCombs received a frank description of the terrorist attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, from Master Sgt. Todd Brinkman, 33, between raids on Taliban insurgents Tuesday. “Turns out, the little shaver was only 7 back then, and his folks didn't want him to see the horrible pictures on TV,” the commanding officer later told reporters. “Then Pvt. McCombs asked: ‘If 9/11 happened more than 10 years ago, why are we here now?’ And that’s when I told him to stop asking questions and just follow orders.” McCombs was last seen explaining 9/11 to his fellow young infantrymen, who all reportedly asked the same follow-up question McCombs did.

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Breaking: ACLU Hard As A Fucking Rock Right Now

NEW YORK—In response to President Trump’s declaration that transgendered Americans would no longer be permitted to serve in the military, the ACLU announced Wednesday that it was hard as a fucking rock right now.

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