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Politics

Bill O’Reilly Tearfully Packs Up Framed Up-Skirt Photos From Desk

NEW YORK—Smiling wistfully as he gazed at the cherished mementos that had sat on his desk for much of the past 20 years, former Fox News commentator Bill O’Reilly reportedly grew teary-eyed Thursday as he packed up the framed up-skirt photos from his work space following his termination by the cable channel.

Donald Trump Jr. Takes Son On Hunting Trip In National Zoo

WASHINGTON—In what he referred to as an important rite of passage for his 8-year-old son, Donald John III, Donald Trump Jr. took his eldest boy to the Smithsonian National Zoological Park for his first-ever hunting trip, sources said Wednesday.
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1994 Video-Store Receipt Reveals Clinton Rented Night Eyes 2, 3

WASHINGTON, DC—President Clinton is strongly denying special prosecutor Kenneth Starr’s claim that he has a receipt proving that on July 11, 1994, Clinton rented Night Eyes 2 and Night Eyes 3, two mature-audiences-only erotic thrillers starring former Playboy Playmate Of The Year Shannon Tweed. According to Starr, the receipt, unearthed during a year-long Justice Department probe of D.C.-area video stores, “clearly proves that the president not only rented these two films, but, even more damning, did so on the same night. That is over three hours of steamy adult fare enjoyed in one single viewing by the president.” In the wake of the findings, Starr is ordering the store where the films were rented to hand over all receipt records dating back to 1992 to discern whether Clinton may have also rented Night Eyes, the first installment in the series, starring Tanya Roberts. Starr also ordered the Justice Department to hand over recently surfaced White House cable-tap recordings that are purported to contain over 40 hours of Spice Channel pay-per-view. Tweed has refused to comment on the crisis.

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