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MLB Unveils Memorial For Runners Stranded On Base

NEW YORK—Solemnly ringing a bell 30 times for each of the teams that lost potential runs this season, Major League Baseball officials unveiled Tuesday a memorial outside league headquarters to commemorate all of the runners who have ever been stranded on base.

Dale Earnhardt Jr. Submits Paperwork For Gas Reimbursement

LONG POND, PA—Hunching over the steering wheel of his idling No. 88 Chevrolet SS to closely inspect the odometer, NASCAR driver Dale Earnhardt Jr. was reportedly in the process of submitting paperwork Monday to reimburse his gas expenses for the month.

A-Rod Donates $25 Million To Be Displayed In Glass Case In Baseball Hall Of Fame

COOPERSTOWN, NY—Ensuring that a treasured piece of the game’s history will be forever preserved for future generations of fans, representatives of the National Baseball Hall of Fame confirmed Friday that retired third baseman Alex Rodriguez recently donated $25 million of his earnings to be displayed inside a glass case in their museum.
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2-Year-Old Never Thought He Would Live To See Giants Win World Series

SAN FRANCISCO—Joyously celebrating after his hometown team defeated the Kansas City Royals to clinch the championship, local 2-year-old Daniel Balane admitted to reporters Wednesday night that he never thought he would actually see the San Francisco Giants win a World Series in his lifetime. “I’ve waited my whole life for the Giants to win the World Series, and it’s just so surreal to actually see it finally happen,” said the 2-year-old toddler, adding that as far back as he can remember, the Giants have only been a mediocre National League team that couldn’t even make the playoffs. “Deep down, I always held out some hope that it could eventually happen, but after waiting for so long, you start to think they’ll just never get over the hump. So, when they finally won tonight, all that pent-up emotion just came pouring out. I still don’t think it’s fully sunk in yet. I mean, we did it—we’re world champs!” Balane went on to say that the Giants’ playoff run was the most exciting he’s witnessed since watching the San Francisco 49ers make it to the NFC Championship Game all the way back in 2013.

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