adBlockCheck

Politics

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.

What Is Trump’s Relationship With White Nationalism?

Since the weekend’s violent protests in Charlottesville, VA, many have criticized President Trump for his failure to outright condemn the white supremacists involved. The Onion breaks down Trump’s relationship to this powerful hate group.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg Returns To Off-Season Lifeguarding Job

ALEXANDRIA, VA—Saying she hadn’t missed a summer since she was on the U.S. Court of Appeals, Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg said Tuesday that she had once again returned to her off-season lifeguarding job at Splash Central waterpark.

President’s American Manufacturing Council Down To CEO Of Shoe Carnival

WASHINGTON—Following a series of resignations from prominent CEOs amid the fallout from President Trump’s handling of white-nationalist violence in Charlottesville, VA, White House sources confirmed Tuesday that Trump’s American Manufacturing Council is now down to a single member, Clifton Sifford, CEO and president of Shoe Carnival.
End Of Section
  • More News

20 Million Americans Without Health Care Attend Painful, Labored March On Washington

WASHINGTON—With Congress once again turning its attention to health care reform, millions of uninsured Americans made their hoarse and sickly voices heard Monday when they left their hospital beds, assisted living facilities, and piles of rejected medical claims behind to march extremely slowly on Capitol Hill. "The time for universal health care is now," limping demonstrator Vicki Dowbenko said to the crowd as it stopped to catch its breath 500 feet into the three-mile march. "We will not stand by as owwww, unggghh." Congressional leaders have reportedly agreed to meet with rally organizers as soon as a wheelchair ramp large enough to accommodate them all is built in the Capitol.

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close