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Sports

Best Sports Stadiums

As Detroit prepares to demolish and say goodbye to the storied Joe Louis Arena, Onion Sports examines some of the greatest stadiums of all time.

Mom Finds Disturbing Reading Material In Teenage Son’s Bedroom

OMAHA, NE—Saying she felt disgusted and saddened by the shocking discovery, local woman Beth Loomis told reporters Thursday that she was deeply disturbed after finding recruitment reading material from the Baylor University football team in her teenage son’s bedroom.

Rookie First Baseman Nervous To Chat With Baserunners

ATLANTA—Noting how important it is to make a good first impression, Pittsburgh Pirates rookie first baseman Josh Bell told reporters before Tuesday’s game against the Atlanta Braves that he’s still nervous about chatting with opposing baserunners.

Notable Athlete-Branded Products

With sports stars lending their names to everything from furniture to salsa, Onion Sports breaks down some of the most notable athlete-branded products.

MLB Bans Cruel Practice Of Castrating Mascots

NEW YORK—Saying that the “antiquated and barbaric procedure” has no place in modern baseball, MLB commissioner Rob Manfred announced Monday that the league was banning the brutal practice of castrating mascots.

Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.
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2013-14 NBA Schedule Does Not Bode Well For Phoenix Suns

NEW YORK—Saying that late October through mid-April looks to be an incredibly tough stretch for them, league experts said Wednesday that the newly released 2013-14 NBA schedule does not bode well for the Phoenix Suns. “The schedule isn’t kind to Phoenix at all—they start off against the Trail Blazers at home, and then there are about 81 games there where they’ll face teams that present some pretty tough matchups for them,” said NBA On ESPN analyst Jalen Rose, also highlighting games against the Heat, Spurs, Thunder, Bulls, Rockets, Clippers, Warriors, Celtics, Cavaliers, Grizzlies, Pelicans, Nets, Knicks, 76ers, Magic, Wizards, Nuggets, Timberwolves, Jazz, Lakers, Kings, Bobcats, Raptors, Hawks, and Mavericks as incredibly difficult games for the Suns. “The schedule gets a little easier during the All-Star break, but after that there isn’t any let-up.” When asked to comment on the schedule, Suns coach Jeff Hornacek said he has circled the team’s 41 away games and 41 home games as contests that could pose significant tests.

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