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What To Watch For In The New Obi-Wan Kenobi Film

Disney has announced they are in the early stages of developing a stand-alone ‘Star Wars’ film focused on the adventures of Jedi master Obi-Wan Kenobi. Here’s what fans can expect to see in the upcoming release.

Man In Center Of Political Spectrum Under Impression He Less Obnoxious

MT. VERNON, OH—Loudly explaining to anyone within earshot that both the left and right were ruining the level of discourse in this country, Jesse Levin, a man firmly in the center of the political spectrum, is under the impression that he is less obnoxious than those with more partisan viewpoints, sources reported Friday.
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2013 Year In Review Photo Essay Shaping Up To Be Quite Horrific

WASHINGTON—Citing a succession of tragedies that have darkened the majority of 2013, including the Boston Marathon bombing, the Bangladeshi garment building collapse, and yesterday’s Oklahoma tornado, media outlets across the nation confirmed today that their end-of-the-year news slideshows are looking rather horrific so far. “We’re still in May, and this thing’s already turning out to be a real soul-crusher,” said CNN web producer Kim Benson of their website’s 2013 “Year In Photos” feature, which is reportedly “packed to the gills” with horror and misery despite containing only five months’ worth of material so far. “I mean, the Texas fertilizer plant explosion; the New Orleans Mother’s Day Parade shooting; the continuing Syrian genocide; fucking Ariel Castro. This thing’s a doozy already. And remember, it’s not even storm season yet and murder rates spike in the summer.” At press time, sources confirmed we still had seven more months of this goddamned year.

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