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Personal Growth

Woman Celebrates 4th Year Of Weaning Self Off Facebook

PITTSBURGH—Renewing her intention to cut back a little and only log onto the social network a few times a week at most, area woman Kathy Ward reportedly celebrated her fourth anniversary Tuesday of weaning herself off Facebook.

Area Man Self-Conscious About All The Wrong Things

MANASSAS, VA—Noting that he’s frequently anxious and embarrassed by his most minor personality quirks and modest physical imperfections, sources confirmed Thursday that local sales associate Walter Markowitz is self-conscious about the complet...

Man Pushing Self To Point Of Effort

ALBANY, NY—In what impressed coworkers are describing as an unprecedented application of minimal exertion, local office worker Doug Slater is reportedly just about pushing himself to the point of basic effort, sources confirmed Monday.
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Personal Growth

26-Year-Old Feeling Self-Conscious After Seeing All His Friends Fail Slightly Less Than Him

NEW YORK—Saying it was hard not to unfavorably compare himself to his peers, part-time catering assistant Ian Presser, 26, told reporters Thursday that he feels self-conscious after always seeing his friends fail slightly less than him. “When everyone in my social circle is making $1.50 an hour more than me and lasting six months at their jobs before getting fired, I can’t help feeling like I don’t stack up,” said Presser, adding that his friends’ total ineptitude at maintaining healthy relationships makes him acutely aware of his inability to land a single date. “Am I happy for them? Sure. But it still really stings when I hear that my buddy is pulling in 28 G’s and living in a one-bedroom with only two other roommates. It’s like, ‘What am I doing wrong?’” Presser went on to say that he at least took some solace in the fact that he lasted a semester longer than his brother before dropping out of college.

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