adBlockCheck

Recent News

Pros And Cons Of Electric Cars

With technology improving and more automobile companies releasing electric models, electric cars are becoming a common alternative for American consumers. Here are the pros and cons of electric vehicles.

How Amazon Plans To Expand

After years of rapid growth and expansion into new industries, Amazon recently announced that it would be opening a second headquarters outside of Seattle. Here are Amazon’s plans for continued growth.

Report: Americans Now Get 44% Of Their Exercise From Licking

WASHINGTON—Saying the practice accounted for a sizable portion of the nation’s physical activity on any given day, a new report published Tuesday by researchers at the National Institutes of Health revealed that Americans currently get 44 percent of their exercise from licking things.

‘Lost Dog’ Poster Really Tooting Dog’s Horn

BROOKLYN, NY—Claiming the flyer could really stand to tone it down a little, sources said a lost dog poster that began appearing in Brooklyn’s Fort Greene neighborhood Tuesday was really tooting the dog’s horn.
End Of Section
  • More News

29-Year-Old Has Been Going To Different Friend's Wedding Every Weekend For Past 3 Years

STAMFORD, CT—Speaking with reporters Friday after picking up his suit from the dry cleaners, 29-year-old Jeremy Wallace confirmed that he has spent every weekend for the past three years attending a different friend’s wedding. “There was Amy’s wedding last week, Tara’s the week before, and Eric’s before that, and I’m just about to head out to my friend Sam’s rehearsal dinner tonight,” said the man who has for each of the past 156 weekends packed a bag and traveled to friends’ weddings all across the country and will continue to do so for the foreseeable future. “I was thinking about skipping Josh’s in July because it’s a five-hour trek up to Vermont, but we were pretty good friends in college. Plus, if I missed his wedding, it would be weird when I see him at Devin’s and Luke’s weddings later that month.” Wallace said he was looking forward to an upcoming wedding-free weekend in early October during which time he’s scheduled to attend three separate bachelor parties.

More from this section

Sign up For The Onion's Newsletter

Give your spam filter something to do.

Close