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Islam: Myth Vs. Fact

In the wake of President Trump’s proposed immigration ban targeting largely Muslim countries, The Onion separates myth from fact regarding the religion of Islam.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.

Archaeologists Uncover Last Human To Die Happy

DEMBECHA, ETHIOPIA—In a startling find that contributes significantly to the understanding of modern man’s evolutionary development, University of Edinburgh archaeologists working in Ethiopia’s Afar Region announced Wednesday that they have uncovered the preserved remains of the last human to die happy.
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29-Year-Old Has Blast Writing His Will

GALVESTON, TX—Area resident Brian Whitford had "the best friggin' time" writing his will, the 29-year-old disclosed Monday. "That was so awesome, dividing up my DVDs and shit," said Whitford upon completion of the bequest portion. "I even got to give [former college roommate Steve] Krollner a big 'fuck you' by leaving him nothing but that one Phish CD I used to play all the time that he hated." Whitford, who left most of his possessions to members of his family, bequeathed girlfriend Cindy Meijer his prized collection of vintage 1977 McDonaldland glasses.

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