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Milestones In X Games History

With the X Games kicking off in Minneapolis this Thursday, The Onion looks back at memorable moments in the event’s 22-year history:

ESPN Holds Daytime ESPYs

HARTFORD, CT—Recognizing the best in sports programming that occurs on weekdays from 9 a.m. to 5 p.m., ESPN held the Daytime ESPY Awards at the Hartford XL Center Wednesday afternoon.

Man Hoping Game Gets Out Of Hand So He Can Do Something Else

DENVER—Settling into his apartment’s cramped living room to watch the midday game, local man Garrett Neubauer told reporters Wednesday that he hoped the televised baseball game between the Colorado Rockies and the San Francisco Giants would get out of hand soon so he could do something else.

OB-GYN Assures Serena Williams Fetus Developing Serve On Schedule

WEST PALM BEACH, FL—Observing that the unborn child was producing the smooth, fluid strokes expected in the third trimester, ob-gyn Dr. Theresa Umbers reportedly assured world No. 4–ranked tennis player Serena Williams at an appointment Tuesday that her fetus was developing its serve right on schedule.

New Report Finds MMA Could Be Bad For Your Knees

LOS ANGELES—Following a 10-year study of more than 500 professional and amateur fighters, a report released Thursday by the UCLA Department of Physiology found that mixed martial arts could be bad for your knees.
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'30 For 30' Documentary To Explore Historical Significance Of '30 For 30' Documentaries

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN executives announced Saturday that the next installment in the network’s critically acclaimed 30 For 30 documentary film series will examine the historical impact of the ESPN documentary series 30 For 30. “Four years ago, a group of filmmakers began an ambitious, unprecedented project,” read the press release for the episode, which is titled The ‘30 For 30’ Era and is set to premiere this fall. “They could tell what they were doing was special—they were telling sports stories like no one had before—but not even the series’ creators knew what a revered cultural touchstone 30 For 30 would soon become.” The episode, which will be directed by Peter Berg, features interviews and unseen footage focusing on Peter Berg's groundbreaking creative vision and how it affected 30 For 30's prominent impact on American society.

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