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Area Man Convinced He Could Have Been NFL Bust

DES MOINES, IA—Insisting that he possessed the physical and mental attributes to be one of the most disappointing draft picks of all time, local man Keith Parker, 34, was reportedly convinced Thursday that he could have been an NFL bust.

Dwight Howard Clearly Doesn’t Know Team’s Name

WASHINGTON—Noting his confused expression and uncertainty while shouting incorrect nicknames throughout the playoff game, sources confirmed Wednesday night that Atlanta Hawks center Dwight Howard clearly does not know his own team’s name.

Man Tries Using Pink 6-Pound Bowling Ball To Great Amusement

WEST ORANGE, NJ—Seemingly knowing full well that the relatively small and light ball was not designed for someone of his size, sources confirmed Tuesday that 25-year-old Darren Foerstner tried using a pink 6-pound bowling ball for one frame, all to the incredible amusement of friends and onlookers at Eagle Rock Lanes bowling alley.

Players To Watch In The Sweet 16

The 2017 NCAA Men’s Basketball Tournament has provided thrilling upsets and amazing comebacks in the first two rounds. Onion Sports presents a guide to the 10 players to watch in the Sweet 16.
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'30 For 30' Documentary To Explore Historical Significance Of '30 For 30' Documentaries

BRISTOL, CT—ESPN executives announced Saturday that the next installment in the network’s critically acclaimed 30 For 30 documentary film series will examine the historical impact of the ESPN documentary series 30 For 30. “Four years ago, a group of filmmakers began an ambitious, unprecedented project,” read the press release for the episode, which is titled The ‘30 For 30’ Era and is set to premiere this fall. “They could tell what they were doing was special—they were telling sports stories like no one had before—but not even the series’ creators knew what a revered cultural touchstone 30 For 30 would soon become.” The episode, which will be directed by Peter Berg, features interviews and unseen footage focusing on Peter Berg's groundbreaking creative vision and how it affected 30 For 30's prominent impact on American society.

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